Things I want my kids to know

I tend not to give myself much time where there is just nothing going on.

In fact, I would say that I pretty much actively avoid it. If there are a few minutes spare in between things, I am likely to pick up a book, my phone or pop my headphones in. The idea of sitting there without anything to read, watch or listen to sometimes gives me a restless feeling, like my mind has itchy feet.

Itchy cells, I suppose.

It bugs me a bit, because at the end of a day when that has really been the case, I do generally end up with a bit of a headache. Plus, it is often the case that I am racking my brains for a few ideas of something to write or a video to record, but actually the time when I actually do come up with something that really energises me is invariably times when my mind has just been allowed to drift.

The times in my life where I am most likely to actually let my mind drift are actually the times when I am either watching my kids do their swimming, or when I am waiting for someone in a public place. Then, for some reason, I am more likely to just watch what is going on, without needing to occupy my brain with something detailed like a podcast. Sometimes I do still do that, but I am more likely to leave my headphones in my pocket and when I do, I always feel a bit more relaxed and refreshed (and occasionally, full of ideas).

At home, I’m not so good at that, but I think it is worth trying to be.

I think the reason I can do it when I am waiting or watching swimming is that there is a reason to. I want my kids to see me watching, and I like it. It’s also not particularly taxing and quite a nice thing to do. With waiting for someone, being the little mole person that I am, working from home all the time, I am so rarely out and about that it is just nice to watch the world go by, plus there is noise and visual stimulation, so I would count this not as total silence and quiet but instead a state where there is enough going on to keep me in the present, but not so much that my mind can’t drift.

That’s where I go wrong at home I think. I expect myself to just have moments of complete silence (an idea from which my mind recoils) but that doesn’t have to be it. It might be more helpful to go with this state of “stuff going on but not so much that my mind can’t wander” such as putting on music instead of a podcast while I am making breakfast, or while I am painting models or doing some jobs.

My mind can drift around like a balloon instead of being pinned down trying to concentrate on a story or something like that.

That’s peaceful. That’s worth seeking out.

---

Thanks for reading. Until next week,

Ted

P.S. If you have any music recommendations, particularly music without lyrics, they would be gratefully received.