Things I want my kids to know

Our eldest turned 10 recently.

A wonderful thing she is, too.

This moment feels like a marker, an acknowledgement that things are shifting a bit and to be honest, I don’t think I have handled those shifts as well as I might have done.

So I have been thinking about that.

I once heard someone describe life as having seasons. That what works for you, what you need or what you want can and will change. That priorities can move around and that this might just be for a while, and sometimes when we feel frustrated or stuck, it might be because we are still trying to live as if the season hasn’t changed.

Things are changing for us and perhaps I haven’t quite been catching up to that.

The kids don’t need us to help them physically so much any more, which means it’s not as physically exhausting. However, as we go along, it feels like there is more to do when it comes to helping with how they feel, negotiating homework, manners, responsibilities, gratitude. All those things parents have been wrestling with since the dawn of time.

For a while I think I have been either struggling to adjust or refusing to adjust.

I clocked this last week, when actually I realised I was trying to deal with what we have in front of us now in the same way I was dealing with it before. I was still trying to have conversations with my kids in the same way I always have. Frankly, I was still looking at them in the same way I always have.

Once I realised I was doing that, I actually felt a little bit sad.

In acknowledging that things have changed, we have to say goodbye to what came before. That can be sad, and this case, I would say it is. It’s been a lovely ten years (and of course very challenging in it’s own way). And a good chunk of what that has been like will be left behind now.

This new phase of course brings it’s own delights along with it’s challenges. Seeing the kids find greater independence, seeing their interests and personalities emerge, grow and change. Being able to have different conversations with them and share new experiences.

But you can’t really embrace that if you are still holding on to things being as they were before.

In recognising this and letting myself feel a bit of that sadness, it did allow me to recognise that I have been trying to deal with my eldest the same way I always have, and that this is perhaps why it wasn’t working so well. I can’t have conversations with my eldest the same way I did before, without taking into account the new independence she is starting to test out (and the fact that there will be eye rolls coming my way).

It's a new phase, and it feels less of a wrestle now that I can see that. It’s not going to be as it was before, but there is some great stuff coming too.

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Thanks for reading. Until next week,

Ted

P.S. We also appear to be entering a phase where the shininess of my head is a valid topic for discussion around the dinner table. That one might take me a little longer to embrace.