Some things really are just awful. Some things make us feel scared, sad, hopeless or angry, not because of our own internal workings, but because they are just really hard to deal with.
It might be an event that is massive on a global scale, or it might be something more personal to you. A loss that means a great deal, or the way another person treats you.
It might make you feel angry, it might make you feel scared. It might make you feel powerless, overwhelmingly sad, or it might make it hard to see how things could possibly be OK again, sucking all the hope out of you.
Dealing with the way you feel is not always about trying to talk yourself out of it, or finding a way to feel something different. A lot of the time (I would argue most of the time) we feel things because that’s a reasonable, natural response, given the circumstances.
When we feel that we “shouldn’t” be feeling the way that we do, it can lead us to try to run away from or bury our feelings. It makes sense because we are just trying to find a way through, but typically the things we lean on to avoid feeling are things that are problematic. Burying our heads in meaningless distraction, having an extra drink, withdrawing and isolating ourselves.
If we can instead make space for the way that we feel, if we can be accepting of the fact that these feelings are there and that this is reasonable, we might make different choices. We might be kind to ourselves. We might allow ourselves to rest. We might give ourselves permission to seek support.
Something to think about
When you feel overwhelmed by things that are just hard, rather than thinking “How can I get rid of this feeling?” try “If I am going to feel this way for a while, how can I stay connected to people and the world around me?”
Something to do
If you are not sure how to let yourself feel things instead of running away or squashing them, a good place to start is by acknowledging them and writing them down. Get a piece of paper and a writing implement, and just start with “Today I am feeling…” and let it come out however it comes out. Just keep writing until you have nothing left to write.
Thanks for reading! Until next week,
Ted
P.S. Sometimes it can feel hard to talk about the way we feel, because we don't know what to say, or we do know what to say but we've said it before, or because it just feels like we are going round in circles. It's useful to know that you don't have to say it all in order to seek support. Try: "I'm really struggling, can I have a hug?"
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