In last week’s email I made an error.
Basically, I put the wrong title on the email itself, so the content of the email didn’t match the enticing opening.
Whoops. Sorry about that.
The thing I wanted to write about here was that I had a bit of an intense initial response. My first reaction was a gut punch of anxiety, that people would feel misled and that I should fall on my knees and apologise profusely. I thought that perhaps I should send another email saying “I am so sorry for the mistake! Here is how it was supposed to look!” but then I was worried that this would feel like bombarding and that this would annoy people too.
I was stuck for a minute or two. I felt a bit embarrassed, a bit worried, and I felt that I needed to do something, but none of the options felt quite right. The way out of this came in the form of a question that I asked myself:
“If someone else had done this, what would I think about it, and what would I want them to do?”
For me, the answer was quite surprising. I found that if it were someone else, I would either not think much of it at all, or feel faintly amused, and that would pretty much be it. Would I need them to send me an apology email? No. Would I need them to fall on their knees and make it up to me? Absolutely not.
Of course, it is possible that someone out there might see that mistake and judge me so harshly that they never want to receive an email from me ever again, and this is the thing that was driving the initial fear. However, having looked at it like the outside like this, it becomes so much easier to see that this would be, frankly, a very odd response indeed.
So the conclusion was: Ted, you don’t need to do much here. If someone has a big issue with it then that would be pretty harsh of them. Most people will just simply not be bothered or even if they do notice and judge it a bit, they won’t immediately write you off as a human being. It’s OK. You can let this one go.
Something to think about
The next time you find yourself not sure about whether you need to fall on your knees and grovel, or leave it well alone, try out the question: “If it was someone else who had made this error / done this to me, what would I think about it, and what would I want them to do?”
Something to do
The tricky bit with this one is actually then following through with taking your own advice. If part of you wants to send fifteen apologies, but actually for someone else you would only expect one, then try making one apology and leaving it there, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Thanks for reading! Until next week,
Ted
P.S. This strategy is also helpful when you have quite unreasonable people in your life. you might often find yourself worrying about how to appease them or make them OK with you, but actually, when you ask yourself "If I were in their shoes, would I have a problem with this?" you might find that more often than not, you just wouldn't have the same reaction as them. That might be about them, rather than you.
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