We often think of self esteem as the way that we see ourselves.
Sometimes that's how I think about myself, perhaps a negative or less-than-complimentary view of my abilities, my looks, or my worth.
Sometimes we think of it as the way that we speak to ourselves. Do I speak to myself kindly? Do I take a harsher tone with myself than I would with other people?
When it comes to improving self esteem, working on the way that we think about ourselves is useful and important, but actually:
What makes the biggest difference to our mental health is not what we say to ourselves, but how we treat ourselves.
A negative voice in my mind will cause me pain, but it is how that then affects my choices and my behaviour that causes me the biggest problems.
Do I treat my time as if it is worth the same as someone else’s?
Do I stand up for myself and my rights in the same way I would stand up for someone else?
Do I celebrate my achievements and qualities in the same way I would for someone else?
Do I allow myself to do good things for myself, just because I want to?
If I treat myself, my time and my wellbeing as if I am worth less than others, then I will end up spending very little of my time doing things that are good for me, and a lot of time feeling trodden on, exhausted, and feeling trapped because I just can’t find a way to feel good.
Something to think about
If you were truly treating yourself with the same level of worth, encouragement, acceptance and admiration you offer to other people, what would you do differently this week?
Something to do
If you are up for it, create an opportunity this week to try out treating yourself as if you were worth treating really well. That might be choosing to do something that you like, it might be saying no to something you don't want to do or holding a boundary. It might be offering yourself some appreciation or care, or even complimenting or celebrating yourself. If you would do it for someone else, see what it is like doing it for yourself.
Thanks for reading! Until next week,
Ted
P.S. If complimenting yourself sounds too cringey, that's a signal that it is worth trying out and working on!
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