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  • Writer's pictureTed Bradshaw

Something to think about, something to do

When it comes to making changes, sometimes one of the barriers is that we don’t actually really know how to do it. It could be anything:


  • I want to hold boundaries better but I feel like I will just be being mean

  • I want to work on my perfectionism but I don’t see how

  • I want to be able to say no but every time I try I get flustered and waffle for ages and end up saying yes in the end anyway

  • I want to have a better, more accepting relationship with my body but I can’t seem to do it

  • I want to be able to relax more but I haven’t got the faintest idea what I actually find relaxing or enjoyable


Sometimes we wrestle with these things on our own for ages, perhaps feeling like there must be some missing piece of the puzzle, like everyone else got given some insider information that passed me by. However, each of these examples has something in common:


They are things that we can learn.


When there is something you want to get better at, it is helpful to find some examples of people who can do it. Do you know someone who holds boundaries really well? Have you got anyone in your life who is able to have high standards for some things without it being so high that it stops them living their life? Have you come across anyone who seems to be good at self-acceptance?


If you can find models and examples of people who can do the thing you want to work on, you can start to learn from them.


  • Observe them: what do they say? What do they do?

  • Ask them: how do you do that?

  • Reflect: what do I like about the way they do this? Is that something that fits with me? What do I like about it? What do I not like about it? How does it compare to how other people do it? Are there bits that fit me more than others?

  • Try it out: experiment.


There is never just one way of going about it and having a few examples to draw from is really helpful. Sometimes you will find that someone else’s way of dealing with things just doesn’t fit you, and that is useful information. Don’t let it put you off. Keep looking for more examples.


Something to think about 


What do you admire about someone else, that you wish you could pinch a bit of for yourself?


Something to do


Try telling that person that you admire that about them and if you are feeling brave enough, ask them how they do it.


Thanks for reading! Until next week,




P.S. sometimes we look at other people who we think "have it together" and have the impression that this is just an innate thing within them. Maybe they just got to learn things that we haven't learned yet. Maybe now is the time.


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