
I’ve been frustrated with myself about my phone use for some time, really. When I am out with my kids or friends or on a work call, then no problem, it’s not even on my mind. However, if I am left to my own devices for even a couple of minutes, out it comes. There are many reasons for this and one thing is that I use my phone a lot for the editing and posting of my videos, so I can’t just avoid it completely. However, surely I can get myself to reduce just how often it ends up in my hand?
I’ve been getting frustrated with myself about this for a while, but in the last week or so I had a bit of a realisation about one thing that might explain why I haven’t got very far:
If you want to get yourself to take action on something, then make it appealing, and make it specific. Let’s try that out with three questions:
What bothers you the most about the current state of affairs?
When I am on my phone a lot I can end up with bleary eyes and a headache and I often feel like I have wasted time, but the very worst thing is that quite often, my kids walk into the room and see me on my phone. I am good at putting it down and paying attention to them when they do, but I don’t like the idea that they see that from me a lot.
If you did succeed in reducing this, what do you hope it would it do for you?
I would hope that I would have more mental energy, I would be more in the room and more present both with the people I love but also with myself I suppose. I would like to have more time where I am not distracted but just letting myself exist and notice things. Some of the most peaceful moments I have in my life are when I am not necessarily doing much but just watching the world go by. I am good at that when I am watching my kids do sport or other activities, but not so good when I am in the house or on my own.
I also really like the idea of modelling phone use for my kids: I want to be able to show them that while they can be great in terms of practicality and communicating with people when you want to, the default position is to leave them somewhere else and just be present in the room.
If you do spend less time on your phone, what would you like to do with that time instead?
I would honestly get quite a lot of time back. The evenings are a particular danger zone, and it would give me back more time where I can paint or read. I would Play games or chat with my wife. Maybe just listen to music for a bit. The same applies to those small moments in the day where I snatch a minute or two on my phone. I would like to use that time to read or just to breathe.
The reason I like the first two questions is that they are about motivation: what is it that is really important to you about this? If it is important to you and you can really connect with that, you have a better chance of actually doing something about it.
The reason I like the third question is that when you are trying to reduce a particular behaviour, it isn’t that easy through willpower alone. Just sitting next to your phone and trying not to pick it up sounds simple enough but that isn’t how habits work. Often my phone is in my hand and I have opened it up before I have really clocked what I am doing.
Actually, when you are trying to reduce a particular behaviour, finding a replacement can be helpful because you are then practicing doing more of one thing, rather than just trying to do less of another.
That still might not be enough to crack it completely, but it is a good start.
Something to think about
Sometimes the way to get yourself to do less of something, is to make it about doing more of something else. Something that really appeals to you.
Something to do
If you get an opportunity, give this a go.
Thanks for reading! Until next week,
Ted
P.S. I was going to say "wish me luck" but I don't think luck has much to do with this one. Instead, maybe something like "wish me a bit of patience with myself while I work on this" is better.
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